Cold Calling the Police

Over the years, Sybil has called the police for everything from our maid having an epileptic seizure to needing a jar opened. No lie on that second one. It's a known fact in Hillsdale that if you join the police department, you are to protect and serve my mother as if she signed your check and post dated it herself. With that in mind, it came as shock to me that Sybil informed me that the police were called on her today. With the words coming out of her mouth I assumed it was a wellness check by one of her friends in a similar vein to the ones I do when she won't answer the phone in some passive aggressive huff because I didn't call her back within the hour. But no I was wrong, this time the police were called because she was the perp!! Obviously I asked her to explain the ordeal so I knew if she had a valid case when she decided to sue for police brutality. Sybil (paraphrased for three incoherent half sentences): So I woke up at 5AM this morning and I was confused. It was dark out so when I looked at the clock I assumed it was 5 in the afternoon. Feeling refreshed I decided to make some phone calls. First, I called Dean Lebowitz. His wife answered and screamed it was 5 in the morning and hung up. Second, I called a teacher I hadn't seen or talked to in thirty years. Her husband said she wasn't home. he was polite though. Third, I called Mindy. She screamed into the phone it was 5 in the morning and she was calling the police to have me arrested. That's when I realized I had the time of day wrong. When asked if the police came to her house she said no, but not for a lack of trying. She followed up with them shortly before I called to see if they got the complaint and to let them know she had a list of things for them to do when they came for the investigation. Things of note: Dean Lebowitz is a teacher Sybil lends money to Mindy is a piece of shit - Sybil's words