The Jew Gardener

If you talked to Sybil, you would think she lived in a remote village, on a remote island, inhabited by herself and three chickens, that currently aren't talking to her. She gives you this impression anytime she says the following, "I can't find anyone to do ..." This statement is used multiple times a day for everything from why she doesn't have a good aide to why her driveway is covered in snow. What it really means is I don't want to pay a professional and the butcher at King's refuses to paint my living room. Case in point, for years, Sybil's lawn has looked like Bernie Sander's hair after he had marathon sex with his constituents, dry, covered in bald spots and sticking up in all directions.

Over the last week though Sybil has been commenting on how the lawn looks great because she found a nice man to take care of it. He mowed it, put down some fertilizer, and now has moved on to cleaning out the house.

What??
Why is the gardener in the house?

Apparently this lawn man is a jack of all trades. After mowing the lawn, Sybil invited him in to help her dispose of her papers. I don't really know what that means. She is either talking about the tower of Shop-rite circulars that I think is a load bearing wall in the kitchen or she is talking about her tax returns going back to 1978 (when she didn't have to show SSN numbers to deduct children she was planing to have.)

I felt as her only son it was my duty to ask a few questions about her new employee. Before I was able to dive too deep, Sybil assured me it was all good because he's Jewish and has a real estate license. He also told her she didn't have to paint the wood paneling in the living room before she lists the house. Decorating advice from the guy who cuts your lawn, what could go wrong.

So to recap, the gardener is Jewish, has a real estate license, and now has access to Sybil's tax returns. How long until I go visit and this man greets me at the door in a Sybil wig? Hopefully he will also tell me to show my mother some respect.