Friday, July 10, 2015

Sure I'll help, but it will cost ya!

Based on most of my posts, this might come as a shock, but I can honestly say that if I was ever in trouble, I think Sybil would help me. For example I once called her when I was 23 to tell her I lost my job. Before I could say anything else, she said, "Well I don't have any money." Since I wasn't asking for any, I screamed back, "I wasn't asking, you bitch." and hung up. See, in the end she helped by diverting my sadness to anger. Thanks mom.

A few months later she gave me some money and told me not to tell my brother.

Later in life my dad needed some money so he asked Sybil. Here response was, "Go ask Barry." Obviously she was paying it forward.

A more recent story of her generosity involves a cousin of mine. My cousin probably doesn't want this story told, but since I'm not using any names and she is probably out buying Arlo Guthrie a birthday cake I doubt she will be reading this anyway.  Now for the story.

My cousin lost both her parents at a very young age so she has had to lean on my mother pretty hard to get the criticism she deserves:

"Your major is shit."

"Your job is shit."

"I don't like where you live."

"I'm not visiting unless you lock up that dog."

A few months ago my cousin had the perfect storm of bad things happen. Her car broke down, the furnace shit the bed, she ran out of Fruity Pebbles, etc, etc. With nowhere to turn, she called Sybil.

Cousin: Sybil, it is just too much all at once. Do you think it would be possible to help me out so I can at least get another box of fruity pebbles*?

Sybil: Do you still have the ring my mother gave you?

Cousin: The one she gave me as a child? Yes, why?

Sybil: It's probably worth $500. I will give you $200 for it.

Cousin: You're an animal.

When my cousin told me the story I was actually pumped. Not for her misfortune but the fact my mother wanted to buy her stuff for pennies on the dollar.

 Sometimes I feel like Jed Clampett.

*She might have chosen the furnace as the first thing to fix.

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