You can't find good help these days

Sybil: There is snow everywhere. I need the driveway shoveled.
Barry: I doubt you will have a heart attack if you do it yourself. Kidding, why don't you hire someone?
Sybil: Where am I going to find someone who plows driveways?

I've had this conversation with Sybil regarding every topic under the sun; snow removal, house cleaning, plumbing, murder, you name it. I don't know if it's her aversion to paying people or she literally thinks there is no one who would do these things for money. I'm guessing it's the paying people to do things that she has a problem with. She wasn't always like this. At once point we had a housekeeper/live in maid/aid to my grandmother. Then again here's some information on some of those past housekeepers.

Eileen - Black Housekeeper that I would constantly ask if she showered. When she said yes I would ask her why she was still black. Due to my brother's racial insensitivity I thought a pumpernickel bagel was called an Eileen bagel. She quit.

Woman I can't remember her name - Cooked a chicken in it's plastic wrapper. She lasted one day. Apparently she was just released from a mental institution and wasn't ready for work.

Doloris - I think she was Haitian. When I was a baby my head stunk anytime she held me. My brother caught her kissing a minister from her church in our garage. She quit.

Marion - Nice woman from Jamaica, but she wasn't much younger than my grandmother. Used to make us Barbie cakes. I always ate the dress first. She had epilepsy and would occasionally have seizures in front of me. My mother kept her on after my grandmother died but didn't pay her. She lived with us for free. She has since retired to heaven.

Spanish Housekeeper - Stole my mom's jewelry and called Puerto Rico from our house phone. You know how Sybil feels about long distance. She was fired.

And the best of all:

Pat - White trash from neighboring town. My mother told me she was my dad's girlfriend. Very confusing. She stole my grandmother's social security check. Only gave it back when my mom told her if she cashed it she would be arrested. Shockingly wasn't fired. Fucked her boyfriend in my parents bed when they were out of town. Don't think the boyfriend was my dad. Used to beat my ass with a metal spatula (another story). Quit after my dad refused to buy her a Pinto.

I can't wait until Sybil starts interviewing aids for her knee replacement.