Is there really anything better than sharing a meal with family?
On the second night of the trip, we decided to venture out and eat dinner in Ridegwood. It's a town a few miles from Hillsdale. Picture Hillsdale, but the bagel store is on the left side of the street instead of the right, and there is zero parking. I circled the place we planned to eat a few times, cursing the parking situation, while simultaneously smiling at the fact there was a Ben and Jerry's walking distance from the restaurant. Finally I gave up and dropped Sybil at the front door. I told her to get a table while Sophia and I found parking. Luckily we found a spot exactly three spaces up from Ben and Jerry's (very important fact).
Sophia and I walked in the restaurant where we found Sybil scowling. In all of this, it's best to picture me as dynamite and Sybil as a child throwing lit matches in my direction.
Barry: What's wrong?
Sybil: You dropped me at the side door. I had to walk past three other doors to get in.
Barry: Who cares.
With no response from Sybil, the conversation was over.
A few minutes later...
Sybil: This food is good, but it could be a touch hotter. Just a touch. (Massive steam coming off her plate)
We then fought over the check. By fought, I mean she watched as I paid and I punched her in my mind.
Barry: So I parked three spots up from Ben and Jerry's. Can you walk to the car? You want to get ice cream?
Sybil: Yes I can make it, but I don't want to go in the ice cream shop. Get me a sundae with caramel sauce. I'll wait in the car. Don't forget the cherry.
Barry: Okay see you in a few minutes.
Sophia and I walked over to get ice cream while Sybil shuffled off down the street. With ice cream in tow, I proceeded to the car. One spot, two spots, three spots. Damn where did the car go? Four spots, five spots, six spots, seven spots, eight spots. Could I have parked this far away? Nine spots, ten spots, that looks like it, but I don't see Sybil. I stare right into the windshield of Sybil's car, but I don't see her. Finally I move out of the glare and notice Sybil squinting like a one eyed pirate waving me aboard with her hook. In actuality it was a serious grimace and her using her fingers to point/wave at me.
I opened the car door and handed Sybil her two scoops. As she grabbed them with her claws, she started screaming at the top of her lungs that the car was ten spots up and not three.
BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!!!! "
Barry: What the fuck is the difference? Three spots? Ten? You could use the exercise. CHOKE ON YOUR ICE CREAM!"
At this point Sybil tried to twist the whole thing around and tell me that isn't how you treat your mother especially in front of your daughter. She then ate her ice cream.
Do I regret snapping in front of my five year old? Of course. Would I do it again and again and again? It's a safer bet than thinking Sybil would pay for my ticket on the next visit.
I later explained to Sophia that this isn't how you treat a parent and there are extenuating circumstances at play. She told me she understood. Pretty sure what was saved in plane tickets will be spent on therapy.
Choke on it (according to Webster's Dictionary) - When my brother was a teenager, he was fighting with my mother while she was eating and he screamed "choke on it." In the years to follow I would take the statement and make it my own. Every time I would fight with Sybil I would say it eventually. I'm not sure if I wanted her to choke on her words or I somehow wanted Darth Vader power to spontaneously make her choke. I'm 39 now and still saying it with the venom of a stupid teenager.
The key to a happy healthy life is consistency.
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