Is that long distance?!

Up until around 2005, Sybil knew nothing of cell phones.  She was totally oblivious to the fact that people could make unlimited long distance phone calls for one low monthly rate.  To her, long distance was something you only used in an emergency or if someone else was paying.  Back in her day, she would pick up some old timey phone, spin a knob and ask the operator to connect her to extension 452.  This would then cost roughly $84 for three minutes of talking.  With prices sky high it only made sense that Sybil needed to devise a plan to make phones calls as cheaply as possible.  Here are some of the best:

The Brokerage Firm - Sybil would dial operator and say that she was making a business to business call.  She would give the operator the number she was trying to reach, and the number to which the call should be billed.  The number she was billing belonged to a local stock brokerage firm that she once drove by.  Backed then, operators took you at your word.  This worked for a little while until the brokerage house audited their books.  They called my mother and told her if she continued they would prosecute.  

The Toyota Dealer  - Sybil would drive to the local Toyota dealership where she would request a test drive in a new Corolla.  After a quick spin around the block,  she would ask the salesman if she could use his desk phone to call her husband to see if he was okay with her completing the deal right there and then.  For the next half hour she would call every long distance number she knew.  Finally she would tell the salesman that she couldn't make such an important decision without her husband coming with her so she would be back. 

The Ring Back - If God forbid Sybil did have to make a long distance call she had a special method to save a few bucks.  After the call was over she would call the operator to complain there was a bad connection.  The operator would profusely apologize and then give my mother a credit for one minute of the call.  After hanging up, the operator would run a test on the phone number Sybil had dialed.  This meant a one ring call back with no one there.  I received these daily while I was in college.  After each one, I would call my mother back and scream at her to stop doing it.  She was only saving twenty five cents!!  She would then claim to not know what I was talking about.  

The make the person call back at a certain time - When I was home on break from college, I would occasionally get a call from friends in other parts of the country.  If for some reason I was not home to take the call and my mother answered the following would happen:

Friend: Hi, is Barry there?

Sybil: No. Can you call back at exactly 5:30 pm.  I will make sure he is here.

Friend: Ugh, I'm not sure.  How about you just have him call me when he is home.

Sybil: No, no.  This is much easier.  Just call at 5:30 pm.

Friend: Okay

Sybil: So how are you?  Do you know Barry from school?

Friend: Yeah I really need to go if Barry isn't there.  I will call later.

Knowing all of the above, there were still times I felt it necessary to make a long distance phone call from my house.  I would try to do it in the middle of the night behind a closed door. Sure enough as soon as I said hello, my mother would come screaming, "Is that long distance?!"  After about two minutes, Sybil would then scream, "It's been an hour.  I'm not made out of money!"  At this point I would give up since I couldn't hear the other person talking anyway.